Tongue-in-cheek: 10 commandments for drug reps

1. Do NOT leave the office later than 10.30

2. Do NOT wait until closing day for your sales manager to chase you for the month-end projection

3. Do NOT covet the incentives of your colleagues from other teams

4. DO NOT disregard the SAPI code (sleep, eat, breath, s**t compliance)

5. Love your competitors

6. Honour your product managers even if you think they are crap

7. Do not give your sales managers a weak projection even if you have loaded your clinics with 3years worth of stocks

8. Make sure your car is visible in the hospital's carpark even if you are physically not

9. Do NOT give lame excuses on why you have not reported on yesterday's calls

10. Do NOT yawn/fall asleep/roll your eyes/ask intelligent questions/talk to your neighbour/deface the cycle materials when the bosses are presenting at the cycle meeting.

Tongue-in-cheek- Doctors... make yourselves useful

Amongst the various stakeholders who exists in the pharmaceutical industry, doctors are undeniably the single most important. without doctors, there can be no pharma.

Pharma and doctors share a highly ambivalent relationship. pharma represents commercialization and profits, while doctors are synonymous with ethical and moral impartiality. but the reality always tend to lie in the grey between black and white.

Doctors rely on pharmas to provide educational grants and financial support towards research in the pursuit of clinical exellence while pharmas are dependent on doctors to prescribe and endorse their products. How these objectives are achieved by either parties are sometimes not as straightforward as it appears. One thing, however, is certain. the two are unable to exist without each other. whether anyone like it or not, it is a perfectly symbiotic relationship.

In this industry, client servicing is arguably the most critical element in ensuring positive sales output. doctors are a diverse bunch and reps are often very adept at profiling and dealing with them.

Some companies employ complex programs in the profiling of doctors, but i prefer to liken them to common household items:

The Sponge- You know this type, the one who will graciously open the door to his office to you, engage in friendly banter and flashing his wide grin throughout the sales call. Just as you are about to let your guard down, he asks if your company is taking anyone ( meaning him) to so-and-so conference in europe this year. every visit will be followed by a request (suck, suck, suck) for a regional sponsorship, lunch, golf game, printing of his clinic namecard, new stethescope, all your samples, pens, your lunch box...

Leaky tap- usually a GP during his lull period. before you have the chance to introduce yourself, he will be showing you around his empty, barren clinic, lamenting about the bad economy, inflation, high rental/overheads, poor patient load, etc. His sob stories are so excrutiatingly painful that you'll end up buying a bottle of vitamins/milk powder/wound dressing from him so that he'll let you off.

The Kettle- there is bound to be one in every product's KOL list. this demanding doctor needs plenty of attention that you have to keep watch 24/7 over him. he has such a low boiling point that he is constantly blowing steam. and when u do not react in time to switch off the antagonizing factor, you will be sure he will be making hellava lot of noise.

The Dettol- tends to be a specialist practising in a public hospital. may be a policy maker or has high influence level in the hospital. has a purist streak that causes him to drone on and on about the importance of evidence-base-medicine, shooting off references from clinical trials, clinical guidelines, etc. craves to be perceived as a academic and will often adopt a moral high ground when dealing with pharma whom he considers as a toxic contaminant to be eradicated.

The Crystal Ware- reps require special prior approval from the bosses before taking this doctor out for a simple lunch. for this high-maintenance doctor, there is NO simple lunches. most of their clinics are located at Mt Elizabeth and the favourite place du jour is iggys at regent or tatsuya at crown prince hotel. no meal is complete without a 1978 vintage bordeux or a nicely brewed sake. don't even think of getting a glimpse of this doctor if your A&P is not within the top 10.

The toothpaste (aka squeezer)- ahhh...i shan't go on. we are all pretty familiar with this one.

Tongue-in-cheek- It's a jungle out there

Drug reps. What will the pharma industry be without them? Indeed, with the strict regulations and restrictions imposed on the promotion of ethical products, personal selling remains the most fundamental of the promotional mix. This industry is awash with drug reps, all tasked with the very important responsibility of conveying marketing messages to the customers (mainly doctors) while marketers pray that they stay as close to the original intentions as possible.

Pharma reps are often one of the highest cost on the corporate balance sheet, and this may explain why management would want to look into maximising their output by means of SFE (see previous post) however, pharmas are still very reliant on this form of selling approach as it is perceived to be the best form of CRM (although i beg to differ- that will be a different story altogether). Well, if anything, i think drug reps do bring alot of personality and identities to the companies who employs them.

And while they are often supposed to be out ploughing the field (that's what the market is called) i think it is more reminiscent of a jungle. And here are the various types of animals that you will associate with. (although most reps would often possess a combination of traits):

The werewolf: you will only get to see this rep during a full moon (ie closing day) the rest of the time, its a complete mystery where s/he would've been. This rep would completely vanish once the budget is achieved, otherwise, it would be lurking around the clinics searching for any scraps of sales that would sustain it till next month.

The grasshopper: This rep will be handing you a business card from so-and-so company this minute and another company the next. In this industry, it is hardly surprising to see reps playing merry-go-round-and-round-and-round...

The elephant: it is not difficult to spot this rep from afar. s/he will be clambering along with huge branded (of specific product of cos!) paper bags stuff full of product gimmicks and/or candy bars/chocolates/other goodies (often with a product sticker stuck over it- tsk tsk) towards the doctors' offices. There the rep will unload all the loot gained from the PM with great delight onto the poor doctor. you would know that an elephant had just been to the physicians' office when you see piles of rubbish (likened to spam) pouring out of the doctors' pigeon holes

The peacock: Usually a new-comer to the industry. tends to strut around with minimal trade tools (detailing aids, clinical papers, samples, etc) Armed with a BSc (hons), law degree (no kiddin') or a staff nurse registration (not jokin') they consider their superior intellect to be best when dealing with just a regular bunch of doctors. their conceitedness would more often than not (except for the SRNs) guarantee a short stint in pharma

The orang-utans (plural): note that this group of reps cannot exist in isolation. you will see them congregated for a time of social gathering throughout the day. their usual hangouts are Ikea (alexandra), great world city, paragon, lucky plaza. the close proximity to various hospitals really helps!

The cow: tends to be a senior or experienced rep who knows when to work the field and how to deflect the heat from management by always being able to deliver the goods. however, this hard/ smart worker will find him/herself being milked (with little chance of career advancement) till the day it is led to the abbatoir

The dolphin: aka the sweet young thing. perhaps the most nauseating of the lot. one particular company has the reputation of employing this genre of reps presuming perhaps that doctors are really a bunch of lecherous fools. the dolphin goes around acting cute and bimbotic all the time, flirting, powdering her nose while whining to the doctor about how slowly her drug is moving, thinking that her good looks will keep the scripts going. i think NOT!

The fly: as the name suggests. this rep simply will not go away. s/he will hassle the doctor or purchaser (especially on closing day) with all the tactics under the roof (buy kueh kueh, run errands, walk the dog, do data entry, and when all else fails, beg beg beg) just to meet the target. Its pathetic, but management don't really care as long as they bring in the sales.

Tongue-in-cheek- Pharma 101

Non-industry people tend to have a very macro view of the pharma industry. Just the other day, my hairstylist called me up and asked if i will be popping by for a haircut anytime soon and that she has an important issue to consult me about. Imagine my dismay when she takes out a bottle of herbal remedy,(readily available in the pseudo medicinal section beside the toiletries in watsons i'm pretty sure) and asked if i am able to procure a few bottles for her on the cheap. "It's really great for my joints" i quote her.

It's difficult to explain to the layman why is it that, although we are selling drugs, we don't actually 'sell' drugs. A couple of misconceptions that i often find myself having to explain:

1. Herbal remedies, mushrooms and other icky animal parts are NOT typical pharma products

2. Drugs can only be dispensed with prescriptions
3. Only doctors are able to prescribe and/or sell drugs
4. Drug companies only market and promote the drugs and do not do any direct selling, which is done through a distributor
5. You do NOT need a prescription to purchase herbal remedies, mushrooms and other icky animal parts.